At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
