last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize