what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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