I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Damn victory sex feels great
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
