oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize