Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
