Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well I just put wine in my tea
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
