he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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