I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize