turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize