I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize