Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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