put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
