Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
