Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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