I faked an abortion last night.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize