that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
