If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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