So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
