He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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