Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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