I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize