now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
