I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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