i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
