finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
