I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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