woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
