just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
