He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
