first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
nutella sex= disaster
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
