She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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