I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
