You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
