Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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