ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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