Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
