YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
