I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
