I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
