There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
