it's too hot outside to masturbate.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
