ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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