yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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