i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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