I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
