Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
