I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
