I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
