she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
