He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
