Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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