and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
