The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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