I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
