it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
