you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
