when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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