I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
