He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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