The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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