The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
