I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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