At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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