I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
