shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize