I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Welp...herpes.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
