I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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