im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
