he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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