mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
