Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
